Is the nine-to-five grind approaching monotony? Has your workmate’s consistent sniffing reached murderous levels? Are the passive-aggressive Post-its on the fridge piling up? To even the playing field and invoke mirth for your co-workers, arrive at the office early to set up some of these dastardly deeds.
There’s nothing more frustrating than arriving at work on a blustery day with your hair frazzled, cheeks flushed and smelling like a wet lamb only to see the chap across the hall looking impossibly immaculate in his three-piece suit. To mess with the sartorialist in your life, wrap their accoutrements in paper so they’re forced to make a mess.
Everyone has a co-worker who leaves mugs lying around, stained with coffee or still containing squishy tea bags. Return the favor by filling all the cups in the pantry with water and placing them around your colleague’s favorite place to relax: After pouring out all the liquid, they’ll realize it would’ve taken less time to run the dishwasher.
Does your copy of The New Yorker go missing on a regular basis? Whether your colleague has a constant stream of personal packages delivered to the office, sneaks stamps from the supply cupboard or opens your mail, seek revenge by making their post a little bit harder to receive.
Despite clearly marked recycling instructions, many people struggle to keep their belongings contained and live in a graveyard of file piles. Teach your messy deskmate a lesson by placing the contents of their cabinets on the staircase and make them traverse the obstacle course of your choosing.
In With a Bang
Some people just don’t understand the politeness and value of knocking: No one likes the type who barrels into your office unannounced for a chat whenever they feel like it. Diminish their zeal for opening closed doors with a good old-fashioned pop—they’ll know to ask permission next time.
Does someone on your floor like to slip out a few minutes ahead of schedule? Tape up the nearest exit to make sure they punch out on time. Note: Pretest your tape choice so that it doesn’t remove the wall’s paint or varnish. No matter how much joy this prank brings, there’s nothing worse than spending a day matching Pantone swatches.
This is one of three free promotional stories from Issue Nineteen. You’re welcome to choose three more stories from each print issue of Kinfolk to read for free.
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